On patrol since 2018
The Bathroom Monitor
The Bathroom Monitor keeps an eye on the restroom so you don't have to. Learn the Official Rules of the Restroom, grab a joke from the Joke Station, and check back soon for reader stories.
The Bathroom Monitor was built so readers could share their own clean, funny bathroom stories. That feature is taking a short bathroom break while the DooDude builds a better way to share them. Until then, the Monitor is on patrol with the rules everyone should know and a pocket full of clean jokes.
The Official Rules of the Restroom
Always flush.
The next person in line thanks you. So does the Monitor.
Wash those hands.
Soap and water for at least 20 seconds. That's about two rounds of "Happy Birthday." Singing out loud is optional (but encouraged).
Replace the empty roll.
Leaving one lonely square on the roll is a serious offense in the Monitor's rulebook. Over or under? The Monitor stays neutral. (It's over.)
Seat down, lid down.
It keeps the peace at home, and it keeps phones, toys and the occasional goldfish cracker from taking a swim.
Toilets are not trash cans.
If it isn't toilet paper or something your body made, it goes in the trash. Check the package before you flush anything else.
Use the fan.
That's what it's there for. A courtesy flush and an open window are also accepted by the Monitor.
Don't hog the throne.
If there's a line, finish your chapter later.
Leave it better than you found it.
Wipe up splashes, toss your paper towel and give the room a nod of respect on your way out.
The Joke Station
See all 16 jokes
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look a little flushed.
Why did the plunger get a medal?
It always comes through when things get backed up.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
It got stuck in a crack!
What do you call a magical dog that goes potty?
A Labra-POO-dle!
What's a toilet's favorite game?
Flush hour!
Why don't secrets last in the bathroom?
Because the walls have ears and the sink has a big mouth.
What did the bathroom fan say to the stinky room?
Don't worry, I'm a big fan of yours.
Why did the rubber duck go to school?
To get a little quacker.
What kind of music do toilets like best?
Anything on the Top Plop chart.
Why was the toilet paper so good at telling jokes?
It always had a roll of material.
What did the bathtub say to the drain?
Stop being such a downer.
Why did the soap feel so lonely?
Everyone kept washing their hands of it.
What's the Bathroom Monitor's favorite snack?
Number two pencils. (Just kidding. It's toast.)
How does a toilet keep in touch?
It gives you a ring.
Why did the toothbrush break up with the toothpaste?
It felt squeezed.
Reader stories
Coming soon Soon you'll be able to share your own clean, funny bathroom stories here. Start thinking of a good one. Yours could be number one (not number two)!